EL ENFOQUE CORRECTO

You need people. That’s a fact. Developing your people skills is probably one of the wisest investments you could ever make for yourself. Brilliant people who have already developed their people skills are already on their way to the top. Others who have also realized the importance of improving people skills have built their businesses on helping individuals improve the way they relate to other people.

Examine the way you relate to people. How good are you when it comes to working with people? Do you listen carefully to others or do you do most of the talking? Do you expect people to follow your command or do you create a win-win situation for parties concerned?

Improving your people skills starts with the right understanding of people. One of the keys to understanding human nature is frequent interaction with people. This will certainly be a big boost in establishing great relationships with your boss, officemates, spouse, children, friends, relatives, etc. These people can lift you up in victory, or these same people can refuse to do so.

Why do people refuse to extend assistance?

Two of the major reasons why people refuse to extend support or assistance are the perceived fear of losing and the absence of gain.   Part of understanding human nature is to realize that most people always look after their own welfare first before the welfare of others.

The fear of losing prevents people from extending assistance most especially if it involves money, confidence, health, time, energy, and security (not necessarily in that order!). The trick then is to frame your request in order to minimize the fear of losing and emphasize the gains. Highlight the idea of winning and give assurance that losing is remote.

After you succeed in taking off the fear of losing, the next thing you need to do is to show the benefit they will gain from your offer.  Among people, the fear of losing is paramount over the benefit of gaining.  With this in mind, the gains should be equal or greater than the perceived fear of loss.

Another important factor in developing people skills is to have a good reputation. In establishing good relations, people look at the reputation of the person making the offer.

Reputation is built on first impressions, and first impressions last.  With this, it is extremely important that you establish good impressions right at the very onset of the meeting.  With a good reputation, succeeding requests will sail through.  It is easier to make a first good impression than correct a previous bad one.

The bottom line is this: In order to succeed in life, you have to develop your people skills. Part of this is understanding human nature and how people relate with each other. You also have to practice interacting with a variety of personalities. Improve your people skills and increase your odds for success!

Here is an interesting way to discover your true purpose in life. It is about the real reason why you exist and the meaning for you to be here. It will take around 20 minutes.

What you do is take a paper or open your text editor, write the following title on top: What is my true purpose in life? Start to write down anything that comes into your mind. Don’t stop. Just continue to write. You may write more than 100, 200 or more answers. But just don’t stop. Certain same answers may repeat from time to time and during the process you may start to feel annoyed because the answer can’t seems to converge. Just bear with it and continue to write. You will come to a point that your answer start to converge. You will start to notice the final answers arise because that few answers will keep on repeating more and more frequently. You will finally know those are the true answers as it makes true sense to you. It may take around 20 minutes or more. That’s fine.

It takes me around 20 minutes with 70+ answers to come to the following final answer:

Live to my Fullest Potential
Continue to Grow and Improve Everyday
Live and Work Together With Others Well
Live with Belief and Faith

If you interested to read the original article, please go to http://www.stevepavlina.com.

In today’s world of technology we do not have ample opportunity to get personal. Life is fast-paced and everyone seems to be in a rush.  We dial the phone and we talk to machines. We spend long hours on the computer playing games, emailing one another or working with our web pages. Even in the office environment, we email the person in the cubicle 3 feet away instead of walking over to hand them a task list.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love technology. I cannot imagine ever being without my computer and am guilty of spending a large part of my day working on line. The computer and Internet afford many opportunities. Now at no charge outside of my Internet connection I can communicate with persons all over the world. If screened carefully young people have a world of education available at their fingertips. I could continue to expound on the many benefits that technology has brought into our lives. However, that is not the gist of this article.

As a result of the technological age of today’s world, our personal touch with one another is decreasing. We need to take full advantage of the opportunity to be personal. Humans are becoming strangers to one another. People are in a hurry to get on with the business of living and walk past each other on the street without even a nod.

Have you wondered why there is so much clinical depression in the world today? Ask yourself why our young people are so distressed. Why so many of them attempt suicide or worse the murder of their classmates or families. Do you conclude as I do that we need more of a personal touch?

Have you taken notice to how you felt when you were standing in line at a bank and someone turned and smiled at you. Prior to that smile you were feeling very anxious, possibly tapping your foot in impatience. You weren’t very happy to be there waiting in a long line. You had things to get done and you were getting more frustrated by the minute.  It was one of the mundane drudgeries we all have to go through. Then comes this smile from the person in the line next to you and suddenly you feel much better. You are compelled to smile back. You do so without giving it thought, as though it is a natural inclination to reciprocate the smile.

Think about it, don’t you feel compelled to smile back when someone smiles at you? Doesn’t if lift your mood, and bring you out of a frustrated frame of mind? But that smile does so much more than that.  It makes you feel accepted and liked. Somebody cares, and shares the things you go through. It makes you part of a group, a integral part of the human race. If you do not think that our society, do research into why our young people join gangs. The kids will tell you they are seeking to belong, to be a part of something. The gang becomes an extension of the family.

There is power in the smile, you see. It’s as though that instant someone waved a wand and all the drudgery disappeared. You suddenly feel warm and responsive and the person who offered you a smile has just gone from a stranger to be wary of to a kindred spirit. Sometimes a conversation is started and now the mundane drudgery has actually become an enjoyable experience. You no longer feel frustrated and rushed and in spite of yourself and enjoying yourself. The world is now warm and fuzzy instead of cold, fearful and bitter.

I do not mean to imply that giving and receiving a smile is the solution to the world’s problems, but it is a very good place to start. We all need to feel that sense of belonging. We are after all members of the same human family. We should feel moved to embrace each other in our hearts and minds.

So go ahead and smile. I dare you. But be careful. You might find the world a friendlier place to live. You might find that people are warm and kind and appreciative. Your smile might just make their day.

It is so simple and so easy to get what we want that we have a hard time to believe it. We are programmed to do things the hard and difficult way, in order to get what we want. We can not believe that we can get anything without hard labour, sweat and tears, obstacles
and misery.

This is nothing else but a tough old programmation, a conditioning from our childhood. If you are like me, you were bombarded as a child with expressions from adults about how hard life is and how we have to struggle to get something. We were submitted to a hazardous universe or a God of revenge who could pick us out without any reason to take revenge on us for something we did wrong. We needed to avoid being bad or wrong, but disease could strike us anyway. Sometimes they even said : “It’s again a good one who’s punished, and the bad one take off easily like usual without paying anything!”. We learned that life wasn’t fair. We lived in fear and thought life was a valley of tears, fear, struggle, pain, disease
and death?

How would it have been if they’ve told us the truth? The truth, nothing but the truth? That life is easy, wonderful. That miracles happen all the time and that we have the  power to make them happen in our own life! That the universe loves us. That there is wealth and health for everyone. That we don’t live in a universe of scarcity but of abundance. That we only have to put the right thoughts in our heads to make these dreams real for us.

What would your life have looked like if your parents and teachers would have taught you the truth?

You would have suffered much less! You would not have believed you were less than nothing. You would not have been filled with fear over your ears of getting sick or failing, of being stupid or being not good enough.

If you would have known from the beginning that you were a creation of the Creator, that you will always remain, that you will always be around, that you were created for a reason, and when you find this reason you will be happy, what would your life look like now? If you were told that you had talents, unique qualities, that make you a special person, and that you are on earth with the mission to offer these talents to others, where would you be right now and what would you be doing now?

Isn’t it nice? The Genius who created this whole thing did really well : we are sent to earth with a mission and to be able to assume our mission we are already fully equiped from the beginning : we are gifted with natural talents and all we have to do is develop our talents and offer them to the world! Simply said, we have to do what we can do easily already and what we are talented for, and than happiness, satisfaction, love, money and everything we want comes flowing our way!

It is so beautiful, this concept! All we have to do is to do what we love! And of course we need to stop once for all to think we don’t deserve happiness or wealth or health. All these thoughts are wrong because they go against the principles of creation of the Universe.

We are already wonderful! We are already loved! We are already rich! We are already free! We are already intelligent! We are already healthy!
Why? Because we were all this before we started our life. It is the way we really are. It is the way we were created, we were born. This is the truth about ourselves. Everything else is “learned” afterwards.

The good news is whatever is learned can be un-learned. Every programmation can be changed and replaced by a new program.

And again, life is wonderful, because a positive thought is 10,000 times more powerful than a negative thought. So you don’t have to take another 40 years to undo the negative conditioning in your head. One positive thought can counterbalance 10,000 negative ones.

Can you imagine? Aren’t we lucky?

If you choose to do so, you can rapidly turn around your negative program in your head. Go to the bookstore, buy some books with positive thoughts, put them at every toilet in the house, in the bathroom, in your bedroom, in your living room, and read them whenever you think of it or see them. It doesn’t matter if you read one page after another or if you just open the book as it falls in your hands. The message you will receive will be the right one for you at that very moment.

Every morning you start your day by saying thank you to the Universe for your bed, your house, the roof over your head, the people living with your, the water coming out of your tap, the light switching on by a simple gesture of your hand, the food available, the choices you can make that day, the love you received in your life and the love you will receive, the miracles which will happen today and the air you can breath.

In your car, listen to CD’s or cassettes with positive programmation. Listen to them while you make dinner, clean the house or iron your clothes.

Surround yourself with positive people and stop nourishing negative social talk. Don’t watch television unless there is some really positive program.

There is a lot you can do to take a positive turn in your life. Don’t think you can do nothing. You are responsible for your life now. Make your choice! Know that every thought you think is either one which will weaken you, or one which will make you feel stronger.
The choice is yours!

Some people don't really know what it is they want. Many define what they want by stating what they don't want. The result, they get exactly what they don't want. Why because instead of focusing on what they do want they are focused on what they don't want. I recently discovered this while having a disciplinary discussion with our eleven year old daughter. The discussion was about her behavior and why it is wrong. What's funny about this is we had this exact same discussion less than sixty days prior.

During this discussion I realized that my daughter did not think she was doing anything wrong, she believed she was acting according to what was acceptable for an eleven year old. I had to think about this for a bit because she did not understand that it is not ok to misbehave. I got the idea to use an example and ask her what she thought about it.

I said, "A person robs a bank, is caught and goes to jail. As soon as that person gets out they rob another bank is caught and goes to jail again. Gets out robs yet another bank and goes to jail. What do you think about this?" "There's a problem," was her answer. Then I said to her, "You are the person robbing the bank". The look on her face was utter devastation. I then explained to her that when she misbehaves it's like the person robbing the bank. The robber did not want to go to jail but that is what he/she got, exactly what they didn't want. That's what you get every time you misbehave; you get everything that you don't want. The logic was inescapable.

If you focus on the things you don't want, you are going to get what you focus on. Now that might seem like it's backwards but in reality that is exactly what many people do and they don't understand why they continually get the results they get. Your mind attracts to you that which is the center of your focus. If your focus is on what you don't want you will get that which you focus on. While the above example is a bit extreme the point is you attract to you what you think about. My daughter said she was always thinking about not getting into trouble, what did she get?

It is extremely important to be specific about what you want as well. It is not enough to say you want more money; you must be specific about the amount of more money you want. If you make $40,000 a year, your subconscious mind thinks that $40,001 is more money which it is and therefore you have reached your goal. Your efforts to get more fail because you're now thinking I don't want $40,001 I want more. If you want to lose weight, loosing 1 pound to your subconscious mind is achieving your goal, you lost weight.

Now you might be thinking "I want to make more money and in the back of your mind more money means $50,000 a year, but all you say is more money. See the difference? You must be specific and say next year I want to make $50,000 or I want to lose 20 pounds in three months. You must know exactly what it is you want or you will fail to get it.

How to make your dreams a reality.

You must know exactly what it is you want.
You must know every detail, how having what you want will make you feel. What having what you want will do for you, give you more status, more prestige, raise your standard of living. You must know every detail or you will stumble along the way and feel like a failure.

You must have a time frame in mind.
You need to set a date by which you expect to have gained the object of your focus. If you desire to fit those designer jeans by springtime and you need to lose 15 pounds, set a date by which you expect to have lost the weight. Then using a series of smaller goals, affirm to lose 1 to 2 pounds pre week by mapping out a diet to cut out 500 calories a day.

Your desire must be measurable.
First start out with the end result clearly in mind. You should start out with a series of smaller obtainable goals. Success with these smaller goals fuels your confidence towards achieving a larger goal. Then have something to gage your success by. Starting with the end result, work backwards in detail until you get to the starting point where you will set out to achieve you goal. This gives you the exact steps you need to take to achieve your goal. Each step should lead you closer to obtaining your desired result. This becomes your ruler, check to see if you are on course.

Always write out your goals.
Writing your goals out is another way to check if you have strayed from the course. It gives you something to follow. Write your goals out and read them daily. We have billions of thoughts per day and a goal is just another thought. Writing it down helps to keep that thought in mind instead of it being replaced by one of the other billions of thoughts. It also helps with your commitment to your goal. Seeing it daily reaffirms it in your mind.

Get a success partner.
One way to insure success with obtaining any goal is to have a partner. Someone who will encourage you and help you stay on course. It's important to have someone who will stand by you and not someone who will try to discourage you. Champions Evolution is a coaching service that helps people set goals and achieve them. They deal with confidence and self-esteem issues and they show you how to believe you can have what you want.

Evaluate your progress.
Are you making headway? If not, why not? Adjust your plan to meet your long-term goal. Are you meeting your weekly or monthly weight loss goals? If not, determine what might be the problem. Add another half hour of walking each week or cut out second helpings.

Challenge yourself through adversity.
That means work hard, push yourself and feel a little discomfort if it means helping you reach your goals. Understand and acknowledge that change is not easy. If it were, you would have already achieved your goal. We tend to revert to previous behaviors when change gets difficult. Now is the time to develop new life behaviors.

You have a choice in what you get or don't get. You choose to have success or you choose to have failure. There is nothing in between the two except you. What you choose to think about will be what you get. Focus on failure and no amount of effort will bring you the success you desire. The thing to do is focus your mind on success.

Before anyone experiences hypnosis and starts using it to make wonderful, beneficial changes in their life, this article is designed to perhaps to answer a few questions you may have and also to dispel a few myths and misconceptions about hypnosis.

You know, I still meet people that believe that experiencing hypnosis is like being unconscious. I always reply, “What would be the point of that? Spending money and time to be unconscious in someone else’s company?? If I wanted you to be unconscious we would simply bash you over the head!” So it is important that you also know that hypnosis is not about being unconscious and that you have the correct expectations about the hypnotic experience that you are going to have, should you choose to invest in one of our products or experience hypnosis for yourself with a hypnotist.

In order to understand hypnosis, it is important to understand and differentiate between our minds. By that I am referring to our conscious mind, where we are now and just below that level of awareness is our unconscious mind (also known as the subconscious mind, for the purpose of easy understanding they are the same thing).

The conscious mind is where we usually spend most of our waking time, you know that internal dialogue we have that thinks “hmmm, what shoes shall I wear today” that is your conscious mind. Your conscious mind basically does four things;

Firstly, your conscious mind analyses. What is that? Well that is the part of us that looks at problems, analyses them and tries to create solutions to those problems. It is that part of us that makes decisions all day every day “shall I open the door?”, “Shall I have something to eat”, even though they are automatic behaviours, we make a conscious decision about whether or not to do these things.

The second part of our conscious mind is our rationale, the part of us that, especially in western cultures, always has to know “Why” things happen and “Why” we behave in particular ways. This can cause us so many problems as we give any problems more and more credence and power. More conventional and traditional methods of counselling or psychotherapy are often very much concerned with looking at causes of our problems and it is my opinion that all this does is teaches us “why” they happen as opposed to giving us the skills required to changing unwanted habits and behaviours. The more we think about “why” we do things the more we seem to embed the unwanted behaviour into our psyches!

The third part of our conscious mind is will power, that teeth-gritted determination that so many of us are proud to demonstrate. How many times have we used our will power alone to make changes and found that our will power weakens and that change is temporary or non-existent.

The final part of our conscious mind is your short-term memory. By that I am referring to the things that you need to remember to function on a day-to-day basis, so that when your phone rings you know to answer it rather than stare at it wondering it is, or ensuring that you cross the road without being run over.

That is the conscious part of your mind, it is logical, rational and analytical, a bit like Mr Spock from the Start Trek series and as much as it pains me to say it, our conscious mind is frequently wrong about things.

Your conscious mind is wherever you happen to be pointing it at any given time. I am sure you have been in a busy, noisy environment, such as a restaurant or a bar and have been engaged in a conversation with another individual, and all the sounds going on around you just seem to blend into the background. Then someone else ten metres away can punctuate their sentence with your name and you pick it out as if it was being spoken to you. This illustrates that unconsciously, you are aware of many, many pieces of information every second of your life, sounds, colours, thoughts etc, yet your conscious mind allows you to focus upon what is pertinent or relevant to you at that moment.

If you take that conscious awareness and point it inside of yourself instead of outside into the world, you begin to become aware of your inner self, your unconscious self, which is the part of you that we work with in hypnosis.

Your unconscious mind is tremendously powerful and automates as much behaviour as it possibly can so that we do not have to think about it. For example, there was a time in your life when you had to be shown how to tie your shoelaces, and you concentrated on doing this. I suspect that by this stage in your life you know how tie your shoelaces very well and you don’t even think about doing it, you just do it. I have a lonely Auntie who as a boy, my mother would ask me to phone on a weekly basis as she thought this would make her happy and I vividly remember hearing her lighting up a cigarette and heavily exhaling the smoke while on the phone, she didn’t even think about what she was doing, she just associated smoking with being on the phone.

We are amazing learning machines and we learn behaviours and habits and then our unconscious mind automates them and does them on auto pilot so that we do not have to think about doing them.

Your unconscious mind has within it all your long-term memory. Just about every blade of grass that you have seen in your entire lifetime is stored away in your long-term memory that serves as an amazing storage centre. These memories affect us in varying ways, some more than others. Sometimes our ability to remember them is not as fluid as we need, as it is often not necessary to have all our memory in the forefront of our minds. For example, right now you are unlikely to be thinking about everything that happened to you on your last birthday, however, me just mentioning it, you can dig into your unconscious, long-term memory and remember.

Another example is if you have ever seen a live stand up comedy show. You watch the comedian and laugh (or not as the case may be!) heartily as you listen to lots and lots of jokes. Then when you leave the venue, you can remember none of them, or one or two at best! Then, a week later, a friend that you were with can say to you “do you remember such and such a joke from last weeks comedian” and you think “oh yeeeaaah!” as you bring that information out from your long-term memory. You know that you know the joke, it was just not at the forefront of your conscious mind, it was tucked away in the deeper unconscious.

Your unconscious mind knows more about you than you consciously that you know. Sound confusing? Well, just think, you are currently breathing, your heart is beating (I do hope!) you are digesting, your body is regulating its body temperature, it is doing a range of wonderful things without you having to consciously think about it. You are not sat around thinking “I really must remember to breathe”. We are not machines, there is an intelligence within us that knows how to do these things, and it is that intelligence that we tap into with hypnosis.

Your unconscious mind is where you get your gut feelings, your instincts and intuition that communicates with you sporadically from time to time. Like when sometimes, someone can be saying all the right words to you, but you get a different feeling about them.

Your unconscious mind is a bit like a computer. Throughout your entire lifetime it has been programmed with all your experiences, relationships, interpretations of the world, influences and all this has culminated in your computer functioning with that programming. Hypnosis is simply a way of accessing that computer and updating that programming so that it becomes instinctive and intuitive for you to make the changes that please you.

Your unconscious mind is the seat of your emotions and where your behaviours exist and it is the part of you that we work with in hypnosis. Hypnosis is a way of us stepping over your conscious mind and accessing the unconscious mind to make powerful and profound changes.

Now, I am sure that you have experienced natural trance states many times before, in fact I know it. For example, when you have been driving in a car and thought to yourself “ooh, how did I get here?” or when you have been reading a book and you’ve turned the page and thought “I have no idea what I have just read, I am going to have to read it all again”. I can remember being at school watching my history teacher teach me, yet my mind was a million miles away wishing I was doing something else. All common experiences, daydream like states that we all experience, many times a day. The only difference between these naturally occurring states and those that we use in therapeutic hypnosis, is that with the hypnosis, you intend to enter the state, you are in control of it and it is just like a slightly amplified, deeper version of the state. That is it. Sometimes it is simply like sitting in a chair with your eyes closed, not the magical mystical or unusual experience that some people are led to believe it is.

It is important here to know that you cannot be made to do anything that you don’t want to do. Very important. I had a guy that a doctor referred to me, came to see me and said to me “my doctor told me come and see you as I have emphysema and am going to die of it unless I stop smoking”. I said to him, well I presume you want to stop, he said “oh, no, I love smoking, it is one of few remaining pleasures.” I had to send him away as I cannot make him do something that he does not want to. Can you imagine if I could do that!! Wow. I could go and see my bank manager and make him give me million pounds without returning it! You never read about “Baddy hypnotists” making people rob banks or anything else absurd, because it cannot be done.

People usually then say to me “ok Adam, I hear and understand what you are saying and it all makes sense”. However, I have seen stage hypnosis and seen people dancing like chickens, are you telling me that they want to do that?” I am saying that these people are not being made to do things that they don’t want to do.

When someone buys tickets to a stage hypnosis show, they are being permissive to the notion that they are going to see hypnosis for entertainment; they expect certain things to happen. Secondly, when the stage hypnotist asks the audience “who wants to come on stage” the people that agree to do so or put their hands up are saying “yes, I want to be hypnotised”, they are not being made to do anything they don’t want to do. The stage hypnotist ensures that the individuals on the show are receptive and follow a large number of compliance exercises and it begins to create the illusion that these people are doing things that they don’t want to do, when they are not. The hypnosis can step over the inhibitions of the conscious mind, so that the individuals behave with more openness, they just cannot be made to do things they don’t want to do.

Anyone can be hypnotised. I work with insomniacs, heroin addicts, schizophrenics, people experiencing chemotherapy, these are all people that are often convinced that they cannot relax or cannot be hypnotised, and as long as they want to, they all can and they all do.

All that is required is that you have an open mind, that you expect it to work and have progressive, motivated thoughts about the processes, follow the sessions and allow them to help you help yourself to make the changes you want and deserve.

Finally, at the beginning of the recorded hypnosis sessions and/or individual NLP or hypnosis sessions with me (I cannot speak for other therapists, we all do things differently) individually, you may be asked to do a number of different things with your mind and you can be forgiven for thinking, “well, he asked me to do this, and now something else, and now another thing, what exactly am I supposed to be listening to?” The simple answer is that you listen and follow as much or as little as you want to, remember that is your conscious mind thinking those thoughts and that is not the part of you that we are working with and making the change with.  I am sure that there will also be times when you’ll be thinking “hmmm… am I in hypnosis, what am I supposed to be thinking or feeling.” Again that is your conscious mind thinking that thought and does not matter what it is thinking. It can be attempting to follow everything that I am saying or just wandering off and thinking about whatever you like, just trust that your unconscious mind is absorbing all that you want it to.

There will be times in the sessions when you may be asked to imagine things. Imagining things does not have to mean visualising. If I ask you to think of a favourite place, you can imagine what it would be like, you don’t have to be seeing a picture perfect cinema version of it in your mind.  You can imagine, sense, think, or just know it without seeing it or picturing it in every detail. If I asked you to imagine the sound your feet make when you walk across gravel, you know the sound I am talking about and you can imagine it, but you are not necessarily hearing it in your ears, you can imagine it. That is all you'll need.

So, hypnosis is not like being unconscious, it is almost like having heightened awareness, it requires you to want the change, have an open, positive mind, as best as you can, and allow whatever happens to happen, without trying to grasp at what you think should happen, just letting it happen.

I wish you all the very best with whichever hypnosis product, or with any consultative sessions you are considering having with any qualified therapist or any training you plan to attend and I just know that having come this far, you really can do it, and make the changes that you want to make with hypnosis.

De mi archivo de poemas, extraigo uno que escribí hace algunos años y revela el significado de la perseverancia cuando se trata de conquistar nuestros más anhelados sueños.